Single Review: Alpha Male Tea Party - Battle Crab

                                                       

    We've got five years, stuck on my eyes
    We've got five years, what a surprise
    We've got five years, my brain hurts a lot
    We've got five years, that's all we've got

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The opening track of David Bowie's glam rock masterpiece Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars is a lament for a planet coming to its natural conclusion. There's something about the sparseness of those haunting drums that fade in, Bowie's vocals straining with anguish as he comes to terms with the reality of the timeline and what that might mean. The string section becoming increasingly chaotic and discordant before the inevitable climax - back to those desolate drums. 

Five years seems like a lifetime when you're young. Think how long those years in school seemed to take and how much they take hold of the rest of your adult life. Yet, it's almost as if that time decreases in meaning as you get older, passing within a blink of an eye and becoming just another period of life to document. 

When 2020 seemed like it could be the year Bowie was writing about all those years ago, it became difficult to contemplate getting to where we are now; yet here we are, thrust into an increasingly dark political climate. Then of course, there's the actual climate. There is a lot to worry about, but five years should not always been the optimum time frame for impending doom.

Based in and around Liverpool are a band that are returning for the first time in five years. Alpha Male Tea Party not only have arguably the best band name ever, but they also spent the best part of the 2010s creating a niche for themselves in the ever-complex world of Math Rock. In a scene that revels in its technical proficiency, the band became regulars at Arctangent Festival and released their music through arbiters of good taste Big Scary Monsters. Comprising of Tom Peters (guitar), Ben Griffiths (bass) and Greg Chapman (drums), what set Alpha Male Tea Party apart from their peers was a love of surreal humour that could often be found in their song titles* and on stage patter as much as the eccentricity of the music itself.

* Some personal favourites include 'You Eat Houmous, of Course You Listen to Genesis', 'God is Love but Satan Does That Thing You Like with His Tongue', 'Have You Ever Seen Milk' and 'Don't You Know Who I Think I Am'..

It seemed the band were set to come back earlier than 2025, however after playing a gig in London in 2022, their van was broken into at a service station and a large portion of their gear stolen, making touring and recording an impossibility for quite some time. Having recovered from that untimely blow, Alpha Male Tea Party finally return with new single 'Battle Crab', which finds them on fine form. 

Aficionados of Alpha Male Tea Party - and of Math Rock itself - will be aware that vocals can be few and far between. The band have flirted with them on previous releases, but ultimately felt that the music was the central tenant. So 'Battle Crab' comes as a bit of shock when Peters comes in with a full throttle vocal assault on the senses. The riff is tasty slice of noise and Peters is complimented by 'call and response' gang backing vocals that remind me more of The Jesus Lizard and Pulled Apart By Horses than anything they have done before.

Before you're really allowed to settle and take stock of what you've heard, the band pull a swiftie with Griffiths taking centre stage on vocals and the change in dynamics - although rather drastic - feels almost completely natural. This section feels much more informed by the best and more creative elements of Nu Metal, with Around The Fur-era Deftones a definite touchstone. It's here it becomes apparent that the two seperate parts of this track are inexplicably linked and it moves back into the initial punkier refrain with relative ease. 

A third section is transitioned into and it allows the overall arc of the song to reset before going again. In this part, Peters vocals are much more restrained from before and the band is much less intense, finding almost - dare I say it - some pop sensibility within the defined structure; it's not Olivia Rodrigo granted, but it's certainly easier on the average ear. This being Alpha Male Tea Party though, it doesn't last too long.

                                          

Attention is turned to the choppy swathes of guitar that burst out of the mix, much more akin to what you would usually expect to hear. Somehow, the band still find time for Griffiths' to return one last time before his scream leads the band into a suitably chaotic climax. It remains to be seen whether 'Battle Crab' heralds a complete shift in the writing process by Alpha Male Tea Party, but it certainly seems like the band could be taking a new direction going forward. 

Yes, it is a surprise and yes my brain hurts a lot, but ultimately if five years is all we've got then Alpha Male Tea Party have found a new and invigorating spark.

Find out more and follow Alpha Male Tea Party at Instagram, X and Facebook

As always, you recommend you buy music and merch directly from the band at their Bandcamp link above.